A little over a year ago a friend-with-benefits and I were eatingpost-sex Thai on his bed. The conversation began on some sexuality topic or another,and then shifted to my plans to apply for a Peace Studies PhD program in theUSA. My friend Robbie was opposed – vehemently so. “Fuck peace studies!” hesaid. “It’s so obvious you should be doing something on sexuality. You need tobe writing down that stuff we were just talking about.”
I still applied for that program (unsuccessfully, as itturns out), but what Robbie said set the cogs whirring in my mind. It was trueI was always thinking about sex – about having it, yes, but also its culturalmeaning, its place in politics, and how it was represented in education and themedia. And it was also true that I didn’t often see others writing the kinds ofthings I wanted to say. Before the week was out I’d set up a blog with a linkedTwitter account and published my first post. That post, incidentally, was aboutgroup sex parties – I decided to dive right in at the deep end!
Inescapably, I think, blogging is an egotistical activity.You’re asking people to spend their time reading and caring about what you’vegot to say. That requires ego, which, luckily for me, I have in abundance. Ifyou have even a little humility in the mix too, though, blogging can feelembarrassingly self-indulgent. I’m most self-conscious when writing posts abouta personal experience or some theory I have that I don’t think anyone willagree with. I’ve found, though, that it’s often those more personal andoriginal posts that get the best reception. Still, when I’m writing orpromoting something I’ve written, I constantly have to remind myself that I’mnot forcing anyone to read it. I hate to admit this, but another trick I use tomotivate myself is to think not about other people’s work I admire, but about allthe mediocre content I see published (and read) every day in the Australiannews media. We can do better than that, surely!
I have high standards for what I’ll post, even though itmight not be obvious to the reader. For instance, I tend not to attack easytargets, like completely mad ultra-conservatives, and if I’ve got an opinionI’ve seen put elsewhere, I won’t re-hash it. I’m a big dork about research methodologyand logical argument so I also put a lot of effort into being fair andrigorous, even if I’m going to write it up in a lighthearted or comedictone. The way I see it, the modern worldis incredibly complex, and both information and misinformation exist in suchabundance that making sense of our environment is nigh impossible. Even if I’mjust writing a blog post that only a five hundred people will ever set eyesupon, I don’t want to be adding unnecessary repetition or, worse, factualerrors, into the mix of information that others will have to digest.
Using the traditional metrics of success like pageviews andcomments, my blog is only very modestly successful. But in a more personalsense it’s been a blockbuster. Every so often I get an email from a reader oran invitation to write for someone’s publication, which is a gratifying feedfor my ego-monster. The main benefit, though, has been social. I’ve metliterally dozens of interesting new people, online and in the flesh, and made afew really good friends – amazing people whom I would probably never have met otherwise.
A real advantage of blogging is that when you put yourpassions and ideas all out there online, the friends you make as a consequenceknow right from the get-go who you are and what you’re about, and probably havesimilar passions. Through blogging and Twitter, I’ve become part of a loosecommunity of people in my hometown that share my interest in sexuality. I’vealso gotten involved as a volunteer peer educator with a local youth-orientedsexual health organisation.
Meanwhile, I continue to work in an unrelated and technicalfield that’s just about as far from sexy as you could get. I often think I’dlike to make a career move, perhaps by doing a PhD on sexuality education. Onthe other hand, when your passion is a hobby rather than work I think thatgives you a certain energizing freedom.
I’ve written about intimate topics like swinging and masturbation and have put out fairly radical views on issues about sexuality, so from time to time I do worry about what might happen if the wrongperson stumbles upon my blog, or works out who I am. Because I currently workas a lobbyist and have vague aspirations of perhaps becoming a secondary schoolteacher, there really is potential for repercussions in my professional life. Ultimately,though, I’m proud of what I’m written and I’m willing to stand by it. And ifworst comes to worst, getting fired for writing about sex will give me materialfor a killer post.
Ultrahedonist is an everyday office worker in Melbourne,Australia with a not-so-secret sex and sexuality obsession. She likes pleasure,research and thinking really, really hard about things. Follow her on Twitter@ultrahedonist or check out her blog at www.ultrahedonist.com
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